


Tear It Down (My Lover, My Liar)

by chocolatecrack



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: ANGST DO U MEAN: MORICHII, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, BUT I TRIED TO KEEP IT HOPEFUL SSSSSSHHHHHHHHH, Drunken Confessions, IDK WHY I CAN NEVER WRITE MORICHII NOT IN ANGST, M/M, im sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 13:58:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10855410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatecrack/pseuds/chocolatecrack
Summary: He was drunk on a Saturday, alone in Roppongi, and the younger boy was still number one in his speed dial. So he presses a button, makes the call, regrets nothing, but will still possibly blame it on the alcohol much later on when the sun has risen. But right now it didn't matter.





	Tear It Down (My Lover, My Liar)

**Author's Note:**

> Was listening to Halsey's Now or Never and Eyes Closed AND THEY BOTH SCREAM MORICHII?????? I WANT TO CRY????? I MISS MY SMOL CHILDREN SO MUCH??????  
> I know I promised YutoYama but I couldn't resist sneaking this sad little random oneshot in please forgive me huhuhu but the YutoYama is still coming ok don't worry!!! Un-beta'd so forgive me mistaakes huhu
> 
> Title comes from both Now or Never and Eyes Closed :) If you wanna listen to those two while reading, I think it'll help you feel the vibe of the fic moooore
> 
> Btw pls dont hate me for the sadness
> 
> Anyway!
> 
> chocolatecrack @ LJ || scenesinmoonstruck @ Tumblr || tobikko_2007 @ Twitter if you guys want to talk!
> 
> Also I'm planning on setting up an ask.fm account for those who want to comment but don't wanna come off anon hmmmmmmm idk what do you guys think? :)

A plethora of midnights, under dim lights and the cloak of darkness, Chinen tries to keep himself together.

He sleeps around because he wants to, and he's a 23 year-old young man who has needs that must be fulfilled. But they're all just random companions, just fucks and forgets, and he never stays the night. Not once. _Not at all_.

He never opens his eyes either.

The thing is, when he keeps his eyes closed, he can at least imagine. That it's _him_.

Long torso, such a contrast from his own, a waist that he traps between two quivering thighs. Long legs that keep them up when they fuck against a wall. A chest that he fills with deep red marks from blunt nails. The bump of his Adam's apple, from a neck that Chinen never gets tired of biting into. Inviting lips, intoxicating tongue, haunting eyes, each eyelash like a sprinkle of stardust.

Silver hair that shines brighter than the moonlight.

When Chinen sleeps around, especially in the dead of a cold Tokyo night, he closes his eyes and imagines every random guy as someone else.

He imagines _Ryutaro_.

The boy who had effortlessly, and unintentionally, stolen his breath, his heart, _his entire self_.

He misses him.

Chinen misses the way the younger boy would whisper him sweet nothings, the kind that make him want to melt into Ryutaro's ruffled white sheets. He misses how Ryutaro would touch him in all the ways that make him crumble. Misses the way the younger boy goes fast then slow, an excruciating torture, but it drives him to the edge all the same. The way Ryutaro groans into the crook between his shoulder and neck. The way Ryutaro bruises his lips in all the right ways. The way Ryutaro would fuck him, have sex with him, and make love to him all at the same time.

The way the room would immediately smell like cigarettes after they both come down from their highs, cancer stick passed between still trembling fingers, mouths puffing wisps of gray smoke into the atmosphere. Ryutaro never did learn to kick the bad habit, even if it did cost him a lot. Chinen picked up the habit along the way, jealous of how often the cigarette stick would touch Ryutaro’s mouth. He wanted to touch whatever Ryutaro’s mouth has touched.

Ryutaro always wrapped his arms around Chinen after, the two of them spooning comfortably on the younger's boy bed in his apartment. It was a trap and a cage that Chinen never wanted to escape from.

His heart broke into a million tiny pieces the moment they had left each other. A stupid decision of ' _we're risking too much_ ' and ' _if that's what you want_ ' and ' _I care for you_ ' and ' _I'll never stop loving you_ '.

Now Chinen sleeps around, lets himself get lost and drown in the feeling of emptiness and sorrow because no matter how many girls and guys he fucks, he always felt hollow after. It never made him feel whole. Or rather, he felt less and less after. Like each time he was with someone else, closing his eyes, pretending it was Ryutaro, it was like something was slowly eating him from the inside. A monster that fed on loneliness, misery and heartbreak.

Until one day he couldn't take it. _Not anymore_.

Chinen stops both fucking, and fucking himself up.

"I miss you,"

He was drunk on a Saturday, alone in Roppongi, and the younger boy was still number one in his speed dial. So he presses a button, makes the call, regrets nothing, but will still possibly blame it on the alcohol much later on when the sun has risen.

But right now it didn't matter.

"I miss _you_ , Ryu. I can't do this,"

Chinen never gets a reply. But he knows Ryutaro is listening. Hears the younger boy breathing on the other end of the call.

"I want you back. I want _us_ back. This is stupid,"

He doesn't realize that his voice came out in desperate sobs, and _fuck_ , he wanted to fucking rip his heart out from his chest.

"I keep forcing myself to love someone else,"

Chinen thinks he hears Ryutaro's voice hitch, but he lets it pass, the alcohol clouding his brain, like the sound may just be his imagination.

"But I can't, Ryu. I don't know how to. And I _don't want_ to. I want _you_. _Only you_ ,"

He takes a deep breath.

"I'm still in love with you,"

Chinen was never one to do reckless things. He was always just a go-with-the-flow kind of guy, someone who just lets things happen on their own, who rolls with the punches, rides the tide.

Except when it came to _him_. Morimoto Ryutaro.

" _Please_ ," he says in a weak, strangled whisper, "Say something."

He waits in silence, deafening silence, about the damn ready to throw his phone to the wall when he hears Ryutaro take a breath. There was some rustling on the other side, but the alcohol had reached every single part of him, and Chinen isn't aware of anything anymore.

It took about a good 10 minutes for Ryutaro to appear in the bar, towering over Chinen with his unbelievable height, windswept silver hair that Chinen swears is glowing.

"You're crazy," the younger boy says in a small voice, and Chinen laughs weakly as a reply.

"Is that why you came here?” he slurs, “To call me crazy?"

"I came here," Ryutaro takes careful steps, "To tell you I feel the same."

Chinen's heart stops in his chest, and he knows this time it wasn't because of the alcohol in his system.

"And to take you home,"

Ryutaro carries him, Chinen isn't sure how he does it, but it happens. The younger boy brings him back to his own apartment, the familiar scent of cigarette floating around the air.

"How'd you know," the older boy hiccups, struggling to speak, "Where to find me?"

Ryutaro knew Chinen well enough to know where regularly drinks. But he doesn't answer the question out loud. He'll tell him in the morning, when he hands Chinen an aspirin while the older boy suffers through a massive hangover. But at least he'll be sober.

"You should sleep. We can talk in the morning,"

Chinen grabs Ryutaro's wrist before the younger boy has the chance to move away.

" _Stay_ ," he says in a voice that sounded like each piece of his shattered heart finding their way back together.

Ryutaro sighs, moves to lie down beside Chinen while the older boy cries a river of tears for reasons unknown. He pulls Chinen close, ghosts a kiss on his forehead.

"I never left, Yuri," Ryutaro mentions his first name and _goddamn it_ , Chinen has missed how his voice sounded when saying it, " _Never_."

"Then what the hell have we been doing for the past few months?" Chinen chokes on sobs.

"I don't know," Ryutaro whispers back, "Torturing ourselves, I guess. We've always been good at that."

Ryutaro learned one day that there were times when he and Chinen feed on chaos and strife and fucking toxicity. He doesn't know why, but they do. They were fucked up, pretty damn bad, but at least they knew and admitted it.

"I meant everything I said," Chinen wears his heart on his sleeve, barely holding on.

Ryutaro moves closer.

"I hope you still say those words in the morning, Yuri,"

Chinen turns around, backs up and lets Ryutaro embrace him. He relishes in the familiar feeling of the younger boy’s warmth, an overwhelming feeling of togetherness coursing through his veins.

"I will. I promise,"

He says the words sleepily, and then passes out, smelling of alcohol and tears and _home_. Ryutaro follows him, hoping for a better tomorrow.

The morning after, Chinen keeps his promise, and Ryutaro believes his words this time around.

**Author's Note:**

> I HOPE THAT DIDN'T BREAK YOUR HEART TOO MUCH BECAUSE IT WAS SO CLOSE TO BREAKING MINE WHILE I WAS WRITING IT.  
> Anyways! Thoughts?


End file.
